He's So Angry

After working through much of my Saturday, I decided to stay in, work a little more, relax in my pajamas, and hit the hay while Geno went out. I should go out and meet more people, but I have a Lot of work to catch up on, and it's cold and rainy out there. No dice tonight.

I felt decent about the work I got done today, so I fell to sleep pretty easily. Then my phone started ringing around 2:30 or 2:45. Geno had fallen asleep on the bus, was a few miles north of home, and someone had stolen his wallet while he slept. So I got up, got dressed, and went to get him. Here are my thoughts while I was Geno-bound.

That totally SUCKS to have your wallet lifted.
It also SUCKS to have to wait outside in the drizzly cold in the middle of the night.
He's probably continuously remembering things that are now gone forever and getting madder and madder.
I'm tired.
I'm glad I'm here in the city for him to call, or he might have had to walk all the way home, hours of walking in the cold night alone, upset.
Who could he call if I weren't here? (Listing some names in my head.)
Boy, I'm glad we have a few reliable friends like that here in the city.
Ahh, I was sleeping so soundly and comfortably.
Ok, I need to be prepared for Upset Geno. Try to be helpful, Duchess.
Thing is, he will be inconsolably frustrated. And it's going to rub off on me. I can't help it. I take on other people's stresses.

As I'm on my way there, speeding, but not going more than 10 over so as not to attract copper attention, he calls. "Hey, I've calmed down a bit. I'm really sorry I had to wake you up in the middle of the night..."

That's pretty thoughtful. But then he got in the car. And I could feel the stress and anger climb in the car with him. I tried to make jokes, distract him, whatever, but it just wasn't going to happen. Fine. Don't be obnoxious, Duchess.

We get home. Cancel some cards. And he's So. Very. Angry. All he can do is drop the F bomb with mean intensity and talk about beating the crap out of the person who took his wallet. And how mad he is at himself. Over and over and over.

I get it. I'd be mad, too. It's the kind of thing that's just going to leave you mad for some time. But all the while I'm taking that frustration in as well. I can't stop it. I try again to cheer him up, remind him of good stuff, and he just gets more upset. So I go to bed.

Now stressed me proceeds to battle with my subconscious, as all of the stupid things I've ever done pop into my brain. Then I think about how stressed I've been at work this week, and suddenly tears are streaming down my face. Great. I read a little Julia Child, which helps my nerves, but now it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake. Geno has my laptop in his room, so I can't watch something on Netflix, as that's the only compatible computer for it. I still have significant work to do tomorrow, in addition to a grocery run, target run, home tasks, and baking for work. I need to sleep! More thoughts.

Damnit, Geno, I'm all screwed up now.
Cut him some slack, Duchess. He got his friggin wallet lifted.
He's probably in a downward mood spiral now. Lately he's been extra frustrated about finances, not having a full-time job, not dating, etc.
I asked him about the party he went to, and that just turned into a bitch session about his conversation with a nice girl who ended up having a boyfriend, which led him to no longer be interested in talking to her. (I take issue with this, but obviously now's not the time to give him grief about it.) So that turned into another profanity-laced tirade about the night sucking.
I'm so annoyed that my great night of sleep is gone. I don't get very many of them.
And what about your brother? It's not all about you, Duchess.

Gah. Overall I feel super bad for the guy, and hope I can make the coming days a little easier for him. I'll give him some cash and try to be extra laid-back. But I'm not looking forward to it, because his anger is going to take a while to fade. The boy has a temper. It's going to be uncomfortable around here. We should be getting cheery for Christmas! Not extra stressed about work and pissed about wallet thiefs!

Then, lying in bed, it occurred to me. What if he and I grow old together? What if our current obstacles turn into relationship-blocking, unhealthy patterns, and we're stuck together forever? I mean, I'd be lucky to have him around forever, but now my brain is creating those sitcom-esque time warps into the future, with us shuffling around this very apartment with walkers and bad attitudes.

Optimism. I need optimism and sleep.

Mom update

Mom: Sooo . . . [stalling b/c she's on the road and wants someone to talk to], what else is going on?

Me: Well, Hanukkah started at sundown, so Happy Hanukkah!

Mom: Oh, really?

Me: Yep, started tonight, and it's after dark. It's here!

Mom: Oh, very nice. Happy Hanukkah.

Me: Happy Hanukkah!

Mom: You know, that's where our roots lie. Without the Jewish faith, we wouldn't have our Christian faith.

Me: Yeppers.

Mom: Do you know anyone who's celebrating Hanukkah?

Me: Probably, but I haven't talked to any of them about it this year.

Mom: Well, it's perfectly acceptable to recognize Hannukah.

Yes, readers. That's what she said. And, being human, I was then unable to mask my sarcasm when I exclaimed:

OH REALLY, MOM? It's ACCEPTABLE?

Mom: [nervous giggle]

Me: And how about Kwanzaa? I think it's acceptable to RECOGNIZE Kwanzaa, don't you?

Mom: [throaty, scratchy laugh like Ernie from Sesame Street]

Me: Well, Happy Hanukkah, mom.

Patience, young Skywalker. Patience.

Good news!

The snow is here! And it's still more pretty than annoying!

I've been a little stressed at work lately. It's more my fault than anything else - I'm still a skilled procrastinator. (Say that five times really fast.) And I didn't want to get up at six today and start another long, tiresome day. But once I got in the car and turned on the Christmas music station, with the snow flurries flying all around the car, red and green lights all up the street in front of me, well. It all got to me. I freaking love this season. Everybody's excited to see everybody else. (Most everybody, anyway.) My house is all cozy and decorated.

(See the chandelier? See it?!?) I get to see my people soon, give presents, drink lots, eat good stuff, be lazy. Aw, shucks. It beats out the stress. Now if only it could beat out the procrastination, too. (How do you think I made time to blog finally?)

This afternoon and evening the weather started to get a little crazy, though. It went from snow to sleet to rain back to snow on my way home from work. When I got out to pick up the pizza, it felt like birds were pelting me with wet little slushy snowballs.

But with the lights? Still pretty.

The crybaby likes sucky music

I need to dance more. I don't go to clubs, so I don't know today's good music. I have to depend on the radio. Fine. But I haven't bought any of it, so I don't dance at home anymore. And you can't get any cardio out of it in the car without putting others at risk.

Enter Pandora.

But let's backtrack. Either my tear ducts are malfunctioning, or I've become the woman who cries at Hallmark commercials. Damn. I so wanted to be the non-cryer except for life-altering situations, a la Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding. (Don't you DARE judge my film reference. I can make an apt reference using a low-quality chick flick whenever I see fit.) I finally broke down and watched that YouTube video on the pink glove dance, and darned if I didn't shed a few tears. They're having fun while doing good! Doing their part to change the world and save lives! From the doctors to the custodial staff - they're all working toward the same goal! They make me proud of people, as a race. Basically the opposite of People of Walmart.

They picked a great song for the pink glove dance, so I look the dude up on Pandora, and low and behold a dance party has broken out in my little house! Of course, Pandy played Down first, which was perfect. Then it played a Jesse McCartney song that (gulp) I, uh, liked. Between this and Miley's Party in the USA, my musical tastes have gone to the dogs. Not that I'm complaining. My heart could use the pumping. I may have eating half of a Gino's East deep dish for dinner tonight.