"If you don't invite God to your wedding, I. Will. Be. Heartbroken."
"You know I love gay people as individuals, I just don't love their lifestyle." (Full disclosure, I'm wearing an HRC bracelet right now.)
"Well that's great [that my newly married nephew hired the mentally disabled-run pastry shop to bake different cakes for his wedding], but I had the idea for multiple wedding cakes first. I mean, where do you think they got the idea?" (My thought: their experience with the pastry shop?!?)
"Your brother said that this was the best wedding he's ever been to. [Pause] But what about my wedding? [Sigh] I guess it's apples and oranges."
"Oh, it's just lovely. But why didn't you get one for me?"
Come on!!!!!