I got this really testy email tonight from a friend. I'm her maid of honor, and she just lashed out at me. It's SO the same as her behavior from when we lived together, it just hadn't reared its ugly head since then, years ago. But now it's back, and it set me off.
I'm raw. I'm still processing Grandpa's death, which I won't get into. I'm getting over being so angry with my mom, which I also won't get into. Coming home to my own apartment after time with a big, boisterous family is always difficult, and I'm dealing with that this week as well. (I know, poor me, blah blah.) And this testy email sent me over the edge. It all came pouring out again and I was pretty upset.
So I thought of my sister, and her tactic when she's feeling blue or disparaged. I set to work writing a list of the people in my life who love me unconditionally. You know, the ones who would help you bury a body. (That's how Steph and I talk about it.) While the list provided comfort in the same way I think it does for my sister, it also made me think about how each of these people would react if I told them about my troubles. That brought new perspective. Then this happened in my brain:
- Her testy email was both hostile and.... paranoid, now that I think of it.
- Why on earth would she be paranoid that "discussions" are happening without her? Of course they are! We have to plan stuff....
- She doesn't want to be left out of any planning. She wants to be in control.
- She must be stupidly paranoid from feeling out of control. Why would she feel out of control?
- There are some big life changes happening, coupled with a boatload of wedding planning stress. Of course!
Next to my list of amazing people in my life, I soon found myself writing this: There's a lot of scary change coming down the pike, and she needs to feel in control. You can help her. It's the right, or at least the kind thing to do.
And just like that, I feel better. Man, shrinking is the best. I can't wait to help people. This shit is so healthy.
