SO feeling this right now

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Quarter-life crisis?

My coworkers are actually doll-faces most of the time. I am lucky to have a good job and a roof over my head. I am blessed with work. I have kind friends and a supportive family.

Then why, I ask, am I so frustrated? Let's talk about it. Job, good, but not my career. Who the hell knows when that will show up. Maybe I'll go to Hawaii to look for it. Friends, most of them are getting on my nerves. Thank God for Jack M, Rissy, and my Chicago crazy couple. Just thinking of them all makes me feel better. Family, they're great, but they're not here. And I wonder if they were here (or I were there) if I'd be any happier. And finally, boyfriend. Holy crap, that's a huge mess in my head. Do I love him? Do I need him? Do I want him? Is he good for me? Probably not, but I sure am feeling dependent. Way too dependent, if you ask me. I don't like it. Can't let go, though. Not yet. Effing mess.

Ew. This is not happiness. But did I not just finish the Kite Runner? Why should I be complaining when there are starving, abused children all over the world? I ain't got nothing on them. Do I just suck it up and smile? Be grateful? Or is that a lack of ambition? Is that fear? This relationship has made me weaker, less myself. Unhappy.

But I can't say that out loud. That would make it real. That would mean that I have to end it. When I have so much more I want to get out of it. Is this something I can get better at? I'm so worried about it I'm ending sentences with prepositions. Good God.

control freak

I officially have control issues. I stayed at work past nine tonight - not the first time - because I prefer to do the work myself rather than ask for help. I've been burned one too many times by dipshits who screw up my work, and so I prefer to do it myself. It's getting a little out of hand. I should have been playing kickball in the rain tonight!

Change of subject: I am obsessed with this. There are plenty of scary, gross pictures, and I can't tear myself away. It's the deep sea angler fish, and it lives in super-deep waters. I'm told that they have one at the Baltimore Aquarium, and now I'm chomping at the bit to go. Love it!