Mixed feelings

I feel like I should have better documented my post break-up phases so I can look back and get some perspective. Oh well. Maybe I'll go through some old emails and backtrack for documentation later. We broke up on July 7, so it's officially been over a month, and it still sucks ass. I really thought I could mentally conquer this. I figured, if I straightened things out in my head, I could control my feelings. Not the case.

Here's what my head has been doing lately. I still think about him quite a lot, but not constantly. More than anything else, though. I have several reactions to thoughts on him:

1. I miss him so much. I want to cry and sink into his arms. Let him rock me to sleep. God, I miss being held.
2. I wonder how he's doing. In a slightly platonic way, I'd like an update. How is work going? Are his friends all doing well? How is his family? What's new with him? It feels unnatural to not know the general goings on, since he's been such a big piece of my day to day life.
3. I just want to give him a big hug. We're both mourning the loss of our relationship (though it feels like I'm the only one who's mourning, since I have no clue how he's doing), so I naturally want to go through this WITH him. Obviously that can't happen. It's pretty f-ing hard.
4. I want to punch him in the gut for hurting me. Sometimes I'm really mad at him.
5. Mostly, I want him to check in and see how I'm doing. A phone call. An email. Something that shows that he cares and has concern. I know he cares, and I'm sure he's giving me space to deal with this on my own - smart - but it would be so nice to hear from him.