Catholic? Not anymore

I was raised Catholic. Mom converted for Dad, and she ended up being more gung-ho than he is. I won't even get into the guilt I had to get over around premarital sex. Still, I kept going back to church, looking for the good messages. The ideas and standards I could use proudly in everyday life. When I realized that the messages I was receiving were more infuriating than inspirational, I finally gave up. I remember the day, too. January 28, 2007. Sure, it had been building up to that day and all, but this was the final straw.

Mom took us to the church we grew up in, and my favorite priest was giving the sermon that day. I was excited. If anybody could pull me back in with the high points of religion (love thy neighbor, spread God's love, do not judge lest.....), then it was Father Tim. He's always been so accepting, focused on the good in people. Not that day. That day he focused on how he did the right thing by shoving religion down his dying brother's throat, and how we should all be so persistent. Persistent about Jesus being the savior, persistent about going to hell if you don't agree, persistent about marriage between a man and a woman, persistent about going to hell if you don't agree, and persistent with that condescending attitude used when pretending not to judge. And that pushed me over into persistence in not being Catholic anymore.

My mother is a good woman. She works hard to do the right thing, and is kind to everyone. Even when she knows she's judging, she doesn't do so outwardly. She is strong in her opinions, but doesn't force them on others. I respect her for that, especially since she wasn't always that accepting, and I challenge her so often. We disagree about politics, social issues, international issues, family issues, and religious issues, though she doesn't really know about that last one. It would make her so sad.

My grandparents are amazing people, too. They go to the same church as my mother. They're kind, silly, hard-working, warm, welcoming, all things which make me proud. Why do they go to this church? It promotes so many things I don't respect. I suppose that issues like birth control and homosexuality don't affect my grandparents directly, so maybe that's why they're not too bothered by some of the opinions of the Catholic Church. And they were raised in a different time, etc. It still irks me a little when I think about it, though. Still, when I do go, I like to sit next to them and sing together. I wish I could find a community where we could sing together like that. I'm just not comfortable in any of the churches I've found.

I have tried a few places. One fun experience was at a Synagogue in Crofton. Little did my friend and I know that we were attending a children's service. She was apologetic, as she invited me, but it actually worked out well. The children's prayer books spell everything out - explain and translate it all. It was informative and heartwarming. All of the Hebrew made it feel pretty unnatural to me, but it was still a pleasant evening. But did you know you have to pay to join a Synagogue? I suppose it's not too far off from the donations you make during the service at a Christian church, but it is optional in the churches. Interesting, no? When I read about Judaism and the reasoning for its traditions, generally I like it. It makes sense. It's community-based, family-based, and respectful. I really like that. I'm nowhere near thinking that I should convert, because I don't feel convinced that it's the end-all be-all Right Way, but I have a lot of respect for the Jewish faith. The ideas behind Christianity are good, but so many bad things have come of it. Judaism, not so much.