I just got to Mom's, and when I walked into the pantry, the smell took me right back to junior high. A time I do not care to re-live, even in memory. All the seeping negativity I had at that age came rushing back. Blech. Don't even want to get into detail.
But I'm staying positive! Heading over to Grandma's shortly, and the sibs will be here tonight. Good times ahead! Posistive positive positive!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Les Mis and How I Met Your Mother
I don't think I've ever posted a video on this blog, and I don't intend to make a habit of it. However, this brings me so much joy that I have to share.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
It's storming
I love the sound of the thunder. It is so calming. When I was a little girl, I couldn't sleep if I knew there was something going on in the living room or kitchen. Fun conversations, games, laughter, etc. But that late at night, if I was in the room with the action, I could easily fall asleep. Something about having those people and those enjoyable moments surrounding me gave me comfort, and sleep came easily.
Something about thunder is comparable to that. It distracts me from my own thoughts that might keep me up. Other, louder, more interesting things are going on, so I can let those take over my mind, and rest myself.
Dad is bringing the full Ohio clan to Illinois next weekend. Geno will be a huge help at Grandma's with his humor and stories. I'll want to have an evening or something with the Ohio peeps and the other Grandparents, but I don't know if Mom's guilting (or my own) will allow it. Character-building times ahead.
Something about thunder is comparable to that. It distracts me from my own thoughts that might keep me up. Other, louder, more interesting things are going on, so I can let those take over my mind, and rest myself.
Dad is bringing the full Ohio clan to Illinois next weekend. Geno will be a huge help at Grandma's with his humor and stories. I'll want to have an evening or something with the Ohio peeps and the other Grandparents, but I don't know if Mom's guilting (or my own) will allow it. Character-building times ahead.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Bad phone call
Mom just called, very upset. Grandma has been losing too much weight, and it turns out there's a large, cancerous mass in her kidney. They're taking it out a week from Tuesday, and the other one can't sustain her, so she'll be on dialysis. But they're not sure if she will be able to survive the surgery, either.
This is so weird.
She's over 80, so it's not like this is a blind-siding kind of thing. But my feelings aren't very interpretable. Generally I feel kind of numb about it, like it's not sinking in, which I guess is normal. When I say the words out loud to someone else, I start to cry. But not sob cry or face-contort cry. Just some tears dropping out to accompany the words. But rather than physically or even straightforwardly feeling SAD, I just feel really, really distracted. Kind of ADD meets completely zoning out. I don't know if that makes sense, but I have a feeling that the next couple of weeks will bring forward multiple emotions that won't make sense right away, so I want to kind of..... organize. Get it down. Say it out loud. Write it. I'm not even sure, but I don't want to get completely lost in it.
Grandma is pretty stoic. She doesn't want to cause anybody any extra hassle. (This appointment was originally scheduled for May 8, but mom made them find a slot sooner. Grandma didn't want to cause trouble.) She likes cards, jokes, and manhattans. She laughs more easily than most would, with her history, and she can drink me under the table.
So I'm flying to Illinois next weekend to hang out with her before the surgery for a few days. How on earth do I make that time fond/enjoyable/fun/laughter-filled and keep it away from painful silence? And what could I do, say, or give to her that would make her smile and feel more loved than she already does? In essence, how can I best be a comfort? This is new. I don't know how to do this. I mean, I'll be there and I'll do it in whatever way comes naturally, but I wish I could prepare or something.
This is so weird.
She's over 80, so it's not like this is a blind-siding kind of thing. But my feelings aren't very interpretable. Generally I feel kind of numb about it, like it's not sinking in, which I guess is normal. When I say the words out loud to someone else, I start to cry. But not sob cry or face-contort cry. Just some tears dropping out to accompany the words. But rather than physically or even straightforwardly feeling SAD, I just feel really, really distracted. Kind of ADD meets completely zoning out. I don't know if that makes sense, but I have a feeling that the next couple of weeks will bring forward multiple emotions that won't make sense right away, so I want to kind of..... organize. Get it down. Say it out loud. Write it. I'm not even sure, but I don't want to get completely lost in it.
Grandma is pretty stoic. She doesn't want to cause anybody any extra hassle. (This appointment was originally scheduled for May 8, but mom made them find a slot sooner. Grandma didn't want to cause trouble.) She likes cards, jokes, and manhattans. She laughs more easily than most would, with her history, and she can drink me under the table.
So I'm flying to Illinois next weekend to hang out with her before the surgery for a few days. How on earth do I make that time fond/enjoyable/fun/laughter-filled and keep it away from painful silence? And what could I do, say, or give to her that would make her smile and feel more loved than she already does? In essence, how can I best be a comfort? This is new. I don't know how to do this. I mean, I'll be there and I'll do it in whatever way comes naturally, but I wish I could prepare or something.
Dizzy Duchess
I'm light headed and not so pleasant at the moment, due to the construction in our office. There are fumes, dust particles everywhere, etc. The construction guys are really nice, but the other stuff causes mucho sneezing, headaches, dizziness, etc. I'm taking a comp day tomorrow, which will give me a nice, long weekend.
But allow me to share my trip to San Antonio. I didn't think I would like it, as Texas sometimes seems like a country of its own, in both good and bad ways. But I did. I do. I like San Antonio. The River Walk was great, especially with all of the live music. Jazz, salsa, folk, all good. The margaritas were excellent, as was the guacamole. I enjoyed the Alamo a lot more than I thought I would, and sent plenty of post cards to family with the necessary joke about looking for the basement.
Equally interesting (don't judge), I went into the wax museum and Ripley's Believe it or Not museum. Ripley's was pretty fascinating. Sometimes gross, but usually just eye-catching. But what I find myself continuing to consider is something from the wax museum. First of all, there are several sections. It's not just celebrities. You've got your stars of today and yesteryear, sometimes in character clothing, sometimes not. You've got your fairy tale figures (Cinderella, Rumplestiltzkin, Hansel & Gretel), then your local (Texas) historical figures. Pancho Villa was there with what I think was a real, stuffed horse. There are a few presidents in there, some nameless soldiers and scenes from the nation's history. There's a horror section, which I never enjoy. (Though it was funny - I went with a board member from work, and I had my fingers in my ears the whole time, making him walk first and open all the doors. I really don't do haunted houses.) My most exciting figure to see in person was probably Indiana Jones, though others were certainly more realistic depictions. (Some were really bad!)
Finally, the last section was religious. There are a lot of Catholics in the area, which I'm guessing is the reasoning for having this kind of display. You see the last supper, Jesus dragging the cross, Jesus crucified, and then the pieta pose. It's kind of graphic, and to me, seems inappropriate for children. I didn't have a camera, but found some other pictures online. The sad thing is, the one of him on the cross has a girl in front of it, posing with her hand on her hip. She's on a family trip & wants to look cool in the pictures, which seems totally on target for kid-priorities. But how de-sensitized are we that our children aren't phased in the slightest when seeing a man nailed up by his wrists for torture? I know it's a common image, but it's still pretty graphic. You can't see the detail in these pictures, but he's grimacing and crying in both.
I also managed to get caught up in the American Airlines debacle and had all flights canceled. It bought me more time in the city, which was pretty nice. Sitting now in this dusty office makes me long for fresh air, fresh jazz, and fresh margaritas. Mmmmmmm. Oh, and Harrison Ford.
But allow me to share my trip to San Antonio. I didn't think I would like it, as Texas sometimes seems like a country of its own, in both good and bad ways. But I did. I do. I like San Antonio. The River Walk was great, especially with all of the live music. Jazz, salsa, folk, all good. The margaritas were excellent, as was the guacamole. I enjoyed the Alamo a lot more than I thought I would, and sent plenty of post cards to family with the necessary joke about looking for the basement.
Equally interesting (don't judge), I went into the wax museum and Ripley's Believe it or Not museum. Ripley's was pretty fascinating. Sometimes gross, but usually just eye-catching. But what I find myself continuing to consider is something from the wax museum. First of all, there are several sections. It's not just celebrities. You've got your stars of today and yesteryear, sometimes in character clothing, sometimes not. You've got your fairy tale figures (Cinderella, Rumplestiltzkin, Hansel & Gretel), then your local (Texas) historical figures. Pancho Villa was there with what I think was a real, stuffed horse. There are a few presidents in there, some nameless soldiers and scenes from the nation's history. There's a horror section, which I never enjoy. (Though it was funny - I went with a board member from work, and I had my fingers in my ears the whole time, making him walk first and open all the doors. I really don't do haunted houses.) My most exciting figure to see in person was probably Indiana Jones, though others were certainly more realistic depictions. (Some were really bad!)
Finally, the last section was religious. There are a lot of Catholics in the area, which I'm guessing is the reasoning for having this kind of display. You see the last supper, Jesus dragging the cross, Jesus crucified, and then the pieta pose. It's kind of graphic, and to me, seems inappropriate for children. I didn't have a camera, but found some other pictures online. The sad thing is, the one of him on the cross has a girl in front of it, posing with her hand on her hip. She's on a family trip & wants to look cool in the pictures, which seems totally on target for kid-priorities. But how de-sensitized are we that our children aren't phased in the slightest when seeing a man nailed up by his wrists for torture? I know it's a common image, but it's still pretty graphic. You can't see the detail in these pictures, but he's grimacing and crying in both.
I also managed to get caught up in the American Airlines debacle and had all flights canceled. It bought me more time in the city, which was pretty nice. Sitting now in this dusty office makes me long for fresh air, fresh jazz, and fresh margaritas. Mmmmmmm. Oh, and Harrison Ford.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Hey, Sister. No, really.
One of the committee folks I work with regularly is a nun, so we often address her as Sister. She sent me a very nice email today, and I replied with some well-deserved compliments for her. One of the phrases used in my email was, "You run a good call, Sister." This made me laugh out loud. It's totally Ashley.
Do you ever hear terms or phrases and think to yourself, I should really start saying that! What a charmer! Ashley's "sister" is one of them. "Malarkey" is another (to replace sh__, if I can be quick enough to catch myself.) I should really write them down as I think of them or hear them, as they're so easy to forget.
And of course, there are the phrases I'm trying to eliminate from my own vernacular due to overuse.
-Let's be honest, ....
-I apologize if I've told you this already, but.... (gah!)
-Talk to you later. Have a good night. (at the end of phone convo. Really? MUST I end every call the same way? I am my mother.)
There are more (clearly), and every time they escape my lips, I want to pinch myself out of annoyance. Quit it!
Do you ever hear terms or phrases and think to yourself, I should really start saying that! What a charmer! Ashley's "sister" is one of them. "Malarkey" is another (to replace sh__, if I can be quick enough to catch myself.) I should really write them down as I think of them or hear them, as they're so easy to forget.
And of course, there are the phrases I'm trying to eliminate from my own vernacular due to overuse.
-Let's be honest, ....
-I apologize if I've told you this already, but.... (gah!)
-Talk to you later. Have a good night. (at the end of phone convo. Really? MUST I end every call the same way? I am my mother.)
There are more (clearly), and every time they escape my lips, I want to pinch myself out of annoyance. Quit it!
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Tootsie Roll Star
I'm eating a tootsie roll pop. Remember when we thought that if your wrapper had a star on it, you were supposed to get another free sucker? Usually there was an Indian (Native American) pointing a bow and arrow at the star. I remember feeling really lucky when my wrapper had one, but I don't think I ever tried to cash it in. I knew I'd be monumentally disappointed if I went up to the counter and was denied this wonderful advantage I'd assumed true for so long.
Did anybody ever get a free one? Was that a myth?
Did anybody ever get a free one? Was that a myth?
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