Bad phone call

Mom just called, very upset. Grandma has been losing too much weight, and it turns out there's a large, cancerous mass in her kidney. They're taking it out a week from Tuesday, and the other one can't sustain her, so she'll be on dialysis. But they're not sure if she will be able to survive the surgery, either.

This is so weird.

She's over 80, so it's not like this is a blind-siding kind of thing. But my feelings aren't very interpretable. Generally I feel kind of numb about it, like it's not sinking in, which I guess is normal. When I say the words out loud to someone else, I start to cry. But not sob cry or face-contort cry. Just some tears dropping out to accompany the words. But rather than physically or even straightforwardly feeling SAD, I just feel really, really distracted. Kind of ADD meets completely zoning out. I don't know if that makes sense, but I have a feeling that the next couple of weeks will bring forward multiple emotions that won't make sense right away, so I want to kind of..... organize. Get it down. Say it out loud. Write it. I'm not even sure, but I don't want to get completely lost in it.

Grandma is pretty stoic. She doesn't want to cause anybody any extra hassle. (This appointment was originally scheduled for May 8, but mom made them find a slot sooner. Grandma didn't want to cause trouble.) She likes cards, jokes, and manhattans. She laughs more easily than most would, with her history, and she can drink me under the table.

So I'm flying to Illinois next weekend to hang out with her before the surgery for a few days. How on earth do I make that time fond/enjoyable/fun/laughter-filled and keep it away from painful silence? And what could I do, say, or give to her that would make her smile and feel more loved than she already does? In essence, how can I best be a comfort? This is new. I don't know how to do this. I mean, I'll be there and I'll do it in whatever way comes naturally, but I wish I could prepare or something.