Sunday, June 01, 2008

A few things

First, I'm so proud of my family. I went to my sister's art show last weekend, which she used as her graduation celebration. She snubbed the high school ceremony, in her fashion. The art show was satisfying. There were lots of people from what felt like, I guess, my past. Professors, previous neighbors, work study bosses, etc. Some left a bitter taste in my mouth, but overall it was very positive.

They're tearing down the building in which I took my theater classes. I staged scenes in its theater, learned how to design sets there, slept there, learned lines there. Lots of memories.

Nic is 13. He's the tallest of all of us. He's turning into a confident man. Sure, he's a teenager, so he's going to do a lot of stupid stuff, but he's becoming a purposeful, kind, considerate person. Wow. Every time I go home, I bond more with Dad and Joyce. It's truly fun and rewarding. I really enjoy talking to them like ... friends.

My grandparents were there. Dad's parents. They're aging in a very noticeable way, which makes me tear up now. They're both so ingrained in my life's story. I'm terribly frustrated that I can't go and live near them. I dislike being in that part of the country. It's depressing.

Once, while driving back to the house after helping Emily hang her show, I noticed a little brown furry something next to the 2-lane highway. It was kind of a lump, tucked under itself. Emily noticed that I noticed it and said, "Yeah, it's a teddy bear." I was relieved at first to know that it wasn't cuddly roadkill. But then, the thought of a little teddy bear that someone once valued, dirty, run over maybe, and lost at the side of the road. Sad, right? So I started feeling way too sorry for this little inanimate object, when Emily says, "Yep, little Teddy Roadkill." Cracks up Joyce and me, I'm assuming because we both remember Teddy Ruxpin. Remember that talking bear? There's no actual point to this story. I just enjoyed the moment so much that I wanted to be able to look back on it with accuracy.

Now I'm back in Virginia, though I'd rather be in Ohio. (Who thought I'd ever say that?) Said goodbye to Kurt today, and I won't see him for a couple of months at least. That's really weird and hasn't sunk in yet. But it undoubtedly sucks big time. He's going to visit family, which will probably be pretty swell.

And now my Negative Nancy of a passive aggressive roommate has reared her ugly head again. The long, dramatic sighs, the silent treatment. Yep, she's a peach. I really don't understand it. There are days, weeks, sometimes months when we're great to each other. Considerate, fun, good listeners, supportive, all that good stuff. But sometimes her moods make me so uncomfortable. And when that mood is directed at me.... I really don't handle it well. I go from thinking one day that she's one of my dearest friends in life. Someone to be in my wedding, etc. And somehow, mere hours later, I think that I no longer have the strength to remain her friend. Is this abnormal? It certainly feels that way. It definitely tires me.

But there are some easy, simple focus points that give good perspective. I have a job. Decent health. I can take a bubble bath whenever I want. I have health insurance. An incredible, loving, supportive family. And a handful of damn fine friends. Kurt and I fantasize sometimes about the friend-commune we'd create. Ok, commune probably isn't the best word, but we really wouldn't need anybody else. Outside of our family members and the folks who will run the great restaurants and concerts we go to, we've selected a stellar group of friends who should live near us. Namely, Scott and Sara, Ethan, Jaime, Ben and Karey, Shannon and Elena, and ..... I think that might be it. On the side, I have a few of my own that Kurt isn't as close with, but I'd want there as well. *sigh* If only.

This is the start of a new week. And there's no reason I can't start this week with a positive, healthy, optimistic agenda. I deserve it.

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