Dear Kitty

I'm not used to having this much down time. Sure, I should be exercising and whatnot, like I always said I would if I had leisure time in the day. Of course I'm not. It does leave more time for reading, which is just lovely, but I watch too much television.

It also leaves lots of time for reflection, daydreaming, etc. I don't particularly enjoy that. It makes me unsure. I question my actual goals, identity, etc., and I'd kind of rather live in a busier, more confident self. But I guess it's good for me.

I'm reading the Diary of Anne Frank. Never read it in school - only the play. It is surprisingly enjoyable. I'm sure most readers experienced this as well, but I feel like I'm sneaking, reading a real person's diary. And a teenage girl, no less. The most privacy-seeking diary keepers of them all. It's a comfort, too. Observing her intelligence, warmth, and flaws. Her humanness, really.

Since I have more time on my hands, and maybe in part due to the emotional vulnerability of my situation or something, I'm more sentimental these days. I cry at movies all the time. We watched the Secret Life of Bees the other day, and I cried at least five times. Hell, we watched the Princess Bride, and I cried when she said, "You're alive. If you want I could fly." I just got a lump in my throat thinking about it. For god's sake. I mean, it's fine to be emotional sometimes. Just don't let me turn into my mother.

Confessions:
1. A Jehovah's Witness came by the other day and asked me if I think I need faith to be able to deal with life in today's society. I said yes, partially because I knew it's what he wanted to hear, and partially because he didn't specify God. I need faith in the human species. Faith in the earth not to collapse. Faith in the weather, my will to push forward, faith in my family and friends, faith that I'll find a job, faith in my future. I need all kinds of faith. My agnosticism (sp?), however, I did not share. And he went away.
2. At night, I turn off the TV on channel 47, which is MSNBC. Grandpa, a fan of having Fox News on Allllll day, will leave it on at least for the full morning. I know he's tired and groggy in the morning, but if I can get him to hear some other opinions, I take that as success. I feel so sneaky!
3. I may have eaten 437 cookies and two brownies tonight. Sue me. The brownies have peanut butter chips and chocolate syrup in them.

Night.