Here I am, in all of my 30-year-old glory

It happened! I lived to be 30! And is life as I expected? I guess not, since I didn't really have any expectations. It's pretty odd, though, to hear so many people a generation ahead of me talk about how at my age, they had a couple of kids, a house, blah blah blah. Not this girl - gimme time!

I (very maturely) figured out that the dude and I don't have enough in common to make this thing work. The end isn't official yet, but hopefully it will end fairly smoothly in the next week or so. Immaturely, I've been waiting for him to contact me since we last saw each other, 'cause I've been making all of the effort as of late. Guess who hasn't called? Which is weird, since all of his early talk was about him really seeing this going somewhere, connecting with me unlike anyone else ever, emailing me 3 times a day, etc. I think it's true about guys heating up really fast, then cooling off really fast. What a tired game.

Moving on, my sister just got a competitive spot to go to India for an educational program this winter. (She'll be taught in-person by the Dalai Lama!) I'm 30. What the eff have I done? But looking back at my peeps and accomplishments, I think I did pretty well for not actually having any goals. Other than to survive. I landed myself a decent job with some great people in (ok, outside of) a super-cool city. And let's face it. I love my family more than words can express. And my friends are fierce. And I live with my kick-ass brother, who totally gets me and deals with my girl-talk.

Goals of a 30-year-old?

1. Keep focused on the good shit in life.

2. Take advantage of my opportunities to enjoy everything.

3. Settle down with somebody ONLY IF I'm not "settling." Otherwise, stay single, stay loud, stay dancing, and stay social. Either way, though...

4. Have lots more sex.

5. Maybe exercise. Maybe. (Does sex count? Dancing for sure.)

Here it is! The Field

Soothing Delights

And I was going to post "Sing Out," which I referenced in my last post, but I think I accidentally looked at the wrong title, b/c I just listened to it, and it's not what I thought it was. Oh well. Enjoy the ballad above! And more if Mason if you like him!

MY time

I'm going back to work tomorrow morning after being away for a full week. Coming back on a Wednesday. Earlier today, I was thinking about my coworkers (bosses, really), and other people who are counting on me to get stuff to them, and how it's already the middle of the week for them. That kind of thinking creates stress.

Then I took a bubble bath and listened to a Mason Jennings station on Pandora. The last song was Sing Out, a new favorite. (Or favourite, for all of my British readers.) It was so soothing that it tricked me into thinking it was a leisurely Sunday, as if I'd relaxed for a full weekend (hah!) and was starting a new week with everyone else.

After I snapped back to reality, I realized I was putting all of that stress on myself with this middle-of-the-week business. Who gives a shit? What does it matter if it's Sunday or Tuesday? It's MY day. Tomorrow is MY first day of the week, and I'll do with it what I damn well please. It's my time!

So then I got comfy and happy with my Mason music and post-bubble bath glow, and took in my entitlement to a relaxing late evening. It's mine.

In other news, the man in my life has been super unavailable as of late. This is due to multiple factors:

-his being sick

-me traveling lots

-his phone totally not working sometimes

-him not returning messages in a timely fashion

-him being kinda busy, too

Bottom line is, it feels like he's playing hard to get. I don't think this to be true, 'cause I don't think he'd do that. But pathetically, it makes me crave his attention. (When do I GROW UP?!) I think my last entry about him was pretty hostile, and we discussed it later like adults. He calmed me down. I'm still on the fence about the whole thing (read: him), but I like having a boyfriend. Since we haven't seen each other in 17 years, I'm giving it some more time to figure out what I want.

More news: I really, really like talking to my stepmom. A lot. We don't share all the details of our lives or anything (especially in a daily manner), but when we talk in person or on the phone, we have good, quality, substantial, interesting, thought-provoking, loving conversations. And it means a lot to me. And it makes me think that, if ever I get married, if I lived in a world where the day was truly all about me and other people's feelings didn't matter, she would stand up with me at my wedding. 'Cause she's on my team, and she knows what's important, and I love her.