At the new job, that is. I suppose I’ve had worse, in the grand scheme of things. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be bad here – ever. Hard, fine. Challenging, fine. A little stressful from time to time, fine. But today made me really unhappy. Somehow, after hearing that today really sucked for some of my coworkers, that made me feel better. Not in a misery loves company kind of way, but more of an I’m-not-the-only-one-who-finds-this-sucky kind of way.
My stepmom used to sigh when she was tired and doing things (like picking up after us messy kids) that she didn’t really feel like doing. Yet it was obvious we weren’t going to do these things within the next hour, so she felt she might as well go ahead and get them done. While sighing. Loudly. It used to make me mad, as if it were a martyr-ish guilt-tripping mechanism. Then I caught myself doing it one day. Yes, I was tired and frustrated. Yes, I was pissed at the person I was cleaning up after. (I know. Preposition at the end of a sentence. Deal.) But it was truly an unintentional physical release of my pent-up frustrations. And as soon as it came out, I knew what I had done. However, I was too cranky to feel badly about it. I don’t like that I did it. I never want to do it again, though I think it’s inevitable.
So there’s somebody at work who has the same sighs, and it’s making me resent her. And when I convince myself that it’s unintentional, that she just needs to relieve stress, that she’s not trying to give anybody else any stress, it just makes ME feel stressed. So I resent her all over again, on top of the stress. Ick. That’s part of what made today suck so hard. And clearly not in a good way.
It’s six. I’m outta here.
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